


Fragments [of life, love & loss]

by thewaterfalcon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Good Peter Pettigrew, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, blackinnon, jily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-11-29 10:30:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 9,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11438991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewaterfalcon/pseuds/thewaterfalcon
Summary: Remnants left behind from the true story of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs.





	1. Prologue|1981

**Author's Note:**

> My dearest Pierre, this is for you.

**Sirius.**

 

His curse missed, but only narrowly. He felt only rage; a white hot and raw anger that encompassed his entire being. At present, the loss and the grief didn’t matter. 

 

Only killing Peter mattered. 

 

He snarled, openly, as the other man dodged again. 

 

“Are you mad?!” Peter cried as he threw up a magical shield with a slight twitch of his wand. 

 

“MAD? OH, I’M  _ WAY  _ PAST MAD YOU TRAITOROUS BASTARD!” 

 

This time, his curse actually grazed the side of Peter’s head. 

 

“I don’t know what the hell you’ve taken this time, Sirius,” Peter began, his words were dragged out and staggered, due to a constant need to dodge and place more shields in front of himself, “but you need to come down from it, really fast.”

 

Sirius, wand still sending a barrage of blazing curses, was breathing haggardly. His words erupted in a scream. “HOW COULD YOU?!” 

 

Peter’s breathing was equally as strained. “HOW. COULD. I. WHAT?!” 

 

“WE WERE  _ BEST FRIENDS.  _ THEY WERE YOUR  _ BEST. FRIENDS _ .”

 

“I DON’T KNOW WHO OR WHAT YOU’RE SCREAMING ABOUT, YOU RAVING LUNATIC!”

 

The growl that echoed from his chest didn’t come from Sirius, but Padfoot, and when he spoke he did so with the hint of a howl. “THEY’RE DEAD!”

 

Peter threw up a final shield and Sirius could just see the whites of Peter’s eyes and the twist of his features before the hot tears distorted Sirius’s vision. “WHO SIRIUS? WHO IS DEAD?!” 

 

“JAMES AND LILY!” Sirius spat, raising his wand once more. “But don’t pretend you didn’t know that.”

 

Even Sirius, in his state of pure blind rage, didn’t miss the crack in Peter’s voice. “Know- what, WHAT DO YOU MEAN DEAD. DEAD HOW?!”

 

“THE ONLY WAY POSSIBLE. THEIR SECRET KEEPER BETRAYED THEM.”

 

“And you- you think it was ME!?” Peter screamed the last word. 

 

“I know it wasn’t me, and I’ve just found out it wasn’t Remus. That only leaves you!”

 

“Sirius,” Peter began as he lowered his wand and began to walk towards Sirius, “it  _ wasn’t  _ me. I told them no. I told them to make it one of you. I didn’t want it, didn’t want to fuck it up.”

 

“YES IT WAS! IT WAS ONE OF US!”

 

Sirius felt the ground meet his knees before he realised he had fallen forward, and hands grip his shoulders before he knew that Peter had closed the gap between the two. “It had to be- it wasn’t me, it wasn’t Remus, it wasn’t-”

 

“I will take veritaserum, I will go under a legilimens,” Peter’s speech was laboured but assuring, “Sirius, I was _ not  _ the Secret Keeper.”

 

And all Sirius knew as they knelt in the crowded Muggle street, in the mess that was his life, and the loss that was almost all that his heart held, was that Peter, one of the people he loved most in the world, was telling the truth. 

 

Peter hadn’t betrayed Lily and James. 


	2. 1|1976

**Part I**

* * *

 

**Peter.**

It was the year that everything began to change. The year that they gained their most prominent reputation yet, and for the first time, in the whispers in the corridors, his name was mentioned, too.

And not just as James, Sirius and Remus's stupid friend.

He should thank Sirius the most, really, for it was Sirius who had appeared, bruised and beaten, at Peter’s home this past summer. The elder Black brother had sought out a place to stay before the Potters returned from holiday, and had demanded Peter allowed Sirius to make him _look much less like a sack of hippogriff shit_.

It had been annoying, to say the least, to have Sirius throw out three-quarters of Peter’s wardrobe and traipse the two of them around London; wizarding and Muggle alike, to change Peter's entire supply of clothes. Sirius next thrust Peter ungraciously, into a barber’s seat and dictated exactly what happened to Peter’s hair.

What was more annoying, or so Peter lied anyway, was that it worked.

For the first time, he was noticed, and not thanks to the specialist cream that Mary ordered for him from Witch Weekly, for the interesting patterns his acne made.

He was _seen_ and he was spoken to, as Peter. Girls, and boys alike, no longer approached him for the sole purpose of gaining information that may lead to the seduction of one of his friends. No, now they wanted to know _his_ Quidditch team, and what _he_ planned to do on the next Hogsmeade weekend.

It was intoxicating and gratifying, and everything most sixteen-year-old boys, especially ones who possess incredibly popular companions, desired.

His somewhat newfound inclusion wasn’t solely based on his looks, however.

What really got him recognised on his own volition, cementing him in a genuine popularity and, though he didn't dare think so himself, an admiration amongst the other students, also started as Sirius’s idea.

At first, Peter had been incredulous. “You want to _what_?”

“You've gone too far this time, Pads,” Remus interjected as Peter nodded in agreement.

“Well,” Sirius began, a feigned look of hurt crossing his dark features, “ _too far_ or not, they're here now, and one of you needs to put them in the Slytherin common room.”

Remus’s jaw had dropped as he shared a dark look with Peter  “They-they’re _here?_ In the castle?”

James, whose eyes were beginning to water, his mouth a stark line as he unsuccessfully attempted to stop his imminent laugh from being obvious. “I think it’s brilliant!”

“Well, of course  _you_ think that, Prongs,” Remus hissed, “but unluckily for you, and thankfully for us,” he gestured first towards Peter and then at himself, “you're both in detention for the foreseeable and are therefore unable of depositing fifty penguins into the Slytherin common room.”

“Peter'll do it,” Sirius replied, confidently.

Remus shot Peter a look of contention. “No, he won't.”

But, of course, as always, he did.

And so, he really ought to have thanked Sirius for that, too, considering his reputation in the aftermath had led to the first time he'd gone further with a girl than a quick kiss.

This was the year that everything was changing, and Peter Pettigrew, no longer _a little lump of a boy_ , began to positively relish in it.


	3. 2|1976

 

**Remus.**

 

He looked around the room and felt a contented calmness wash over him. The moon wasn’t for a week and a half, his friends were chatting in a happy and lazy fashion, oh, and one Dorcas Meadowes had only agreed to be his girlfriend, officially, and was sitting with her head leaning against his shoulder. 

 

He’d only been plucking up the courage to ask her for  _ two whole years _ . 

 

Life was good. 

 

Looking to his left, Sirius’s on-again-off-again-girlfriend-who-according-to-her-was- _ definitely-not _ -a-girlfriend Marlene was sprawled over the aforementioned animagus’s lap, bare feet crossed at the ankles over the arm of their chair. Sirius’s fingertips were casually stroking Marlene’s thigh over jeans so tight Remus highly doubted she managed to get them on without some magical assistance, as the pair had a moderately serious disagreement over whether  _ The Rolling Stones _ or  _ Aerosmith _ possessed the greatest collective talent, musically.   

 

“Your obsession with Steven Tyler is concerning,” Sirius eventually snapped.

 

“So is your jealousy,” Marlene quipped as she ran her fingers through Sirius’s mop of black hair. “I do like your hair,” she hummed, absentmindedly. 

 

Sirius grumbled at her words. “You only like it because it reminds you of Steven Tyler’s.”

 

“Well, I won’t deny that,” Marlene answered, earning her a look of resentment from Sirius, which she vanished as easily as if it were a strand of hair she were brushing away, by kissing him.  

 

Remus and Dorcas shared a chuckle at Sirius and Marlene’s exchange, and Remus placed a kiss upon his girlfriend’s forehead. 

 

“Hmm, I like it when you do that,” Dorcas said, happily. 

 

Remus smiled as he pressed his lips to her head once more. “Good.”

 

Turning to his right, Remus grinned again at the unexpected sight which greeted his eyes; Peter was sitting, not on the sidelines as a third, or rather fifth wheel, but with both arms wrapped tightly around the frame of Emmie Vance, a fifth year who, as of last week, had claimed the title of Peter’s first proper girlfriend. 

 

In a similar vein to Marlene, Emmie was sitting with her legs positioned over her boyfriend’s. She was sideways, with one arm draped over Peter’s shoulders. Both of Peter’s arms were around her waist as the pair shared a number of shy and quiet kisses. Their kisses were separated by coy smiles that said that, to them, they were the only ones in the room. 

 

Across the small scattering of sofas and chairs their group had taken over, Remus noticed James sitting with Alice and Lily. For once, the werewolf noticed, James seemed intent on having a real conversation, primarily with Lily, of course. 

 

With James, it was  _ always  _ Lily. 

 

The redhead in question, Remus noted with amusement was trying her hardest to ignore James’s contributions to her and Alice’s discussion. 

 

_ Maybe next year will be yours, Prongs,  _ Remus thought with a chuckle to himself. 

 

“What’re you laughing at?” Dorcas asked, lifting her face to look into Remus’s eyes. 

 

“Nothing,” Remus replied, planting a quick kiss on Dorcas's mouth, “I’m just happy.”

 

And he realised, as he felt Dorcas lace her fingers through his own, just how true his answer had been. 


	4. 3|1976

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Happy Birthday to my beaut Pierre, this one is even more dedicated to you!

**Emmie.**

 

Truth be told, she’d always fancied him. There was just something about Peter that she could never put her finger on. 

 

It was when the other girls started to notice him, that she finally plucked up the courage to speak to him more, she  _ was  _ a Gryffindor after all. 

 

He’d felt like hers from that first conversation. 

 

She’d  _ never  _ admit that, of course, because she knew even the thought alone sounded creepy, and so that tidbit of she and Peter’s story remained stored in the back of Emmie’s mind. The front of her mind, however, was filled with how his hand felt holding hers between classes, the goodbye routine they had where she pretended to leave without kissing him, only for him to pick her up, her delighted shrieks filling the hallways, and take her kisses anyway, and the way her heart raced in her chest as he pressed against her at nighttime, their bodies begging to go someplace alone. 

 

“Not until you’re sixteen,” he’d say whilst she’d pout and his lips would graze her knuckles.

 

She’d feign annoyance for as long as it took, but in reality, like a number of things about the boy who was slowly but surely making himself her first love, she respected his stance. 

 

“Once I’m sixteen,” she said, teasingly, “you owe me a  _ spectacular  _ night _. _ ”

 

He didn’t immediately respond, instead taking her face between his hands, and kissing her deeply. “I know I do,” he smiled between kisses. 

 

**Peter.**

 

It made him look noble and respectable, to wait for her first time. In reality, as much as he wished that were the sole reason, he was waiting as much for himself, as he was for her. 

 

The truth was, as happy as he was to be rid of the looming cloud of virginity that felt as though it were hanging over him, a constant reminder of a separation of himself and the rest of the Marauders, it was something that intimidated him far more than many things had in his life, thus far. 

 

And there was something about Sirius Black, self-proclaimed sex God of Hogwarts, being one of your best friends, that made the prospect of having sex not as appealing as it probably should be, and something of a terrifying possibility that he’d never measure up to the others. 

 

Luckily, his first time wouldn’t be like Sirius’s, in a state of drink-infused confusion with a Ravenclaw, who none of the friends had managed to catch the name of,  and hopefully, he wouldn’t be like Remus and end up making the girl cry with how nice he was, an anecdote that still made the Marauders hysterical at the mere mention of. 

 

He was also unlikely to make the same mistake as James, who had called the lovely Hufflepuff Amelia Bones Lily by mistake, a fact that a number of Hufflepuffs, who were usually known for being kind and placid, became uncharacteristically angry at the sight of the Gryffindor for six months after the deed. 

 

No, his first time would be different entirely, last, admittedly, but the only one to have done so for the first time with a real girlfriend. 

 

_ His _ girlfriend. 

 

His  _ Emmie _ . 

 


	5. 4|1977

 

**James.**

 

As the scarlet steam engine pulled into King’s Cross, officially ending their penultimate school year, James felt good. 

 

The Marauders felt good. 

 

Both Remus and Peter were disgustingly loved up, and so was Sirius; the only difference being that Sirius seemed happier when he and Marlene were fighting. 

 

That only left him single, which was fine, because next year was going to be the year that Lily Evans finally fell head over heels for him. 

 

He just knew it. 

 

**Marlene.**

 

She was thankful for the summer holidays, that’s what she told herself. That’s what she told others.

 

In the reality she’d never admit, she would miss him. 

 

And she hated herself for it. 

 

The train compartment was full, she and Sirius sat beside Peter and Emmie, with Remus, Dorcas and James occupying the other side. 

 

Looking up at her boyfriend-who-still-was _ -definitely-not- _ a-boyfriend, she allowed herself a quick admittance of how good looking he was. 

 

_ In fact,  _ Marlene thought as she looked around the compartment, her eyes resting on James, then Remus and lastly Peter,  _ they all are! Damn boys, Sixth Year was good to all four of you! _

 

**Remus.**

 

The view from his seat at the train’s window was beautiful, and he told Dorcas just how much. 

 

“You aren’t even looking outside!” she giggled.

 

His eyes softened as he watched his girlfriend, the sight he’d been looking at intently for the past ten minutes. “I know.” 

 

“Damn,” James began as he looked around at the three couples that surrounded him, “no offense to you girls, but I’m glad we’re going to have some guy-time this summer”, he looked pointedly at Sirius, Peter and Remus as he continued “you three have become far too soppy this year.”

 

Remus laughed, suspecting that James just might be right, and then laughed harder at Sirius’s objections. 

 

“Excuse me,” Sirius began, incredulously, “all me and  _ this one _ ,” he placed his palms against Marlene’s head, smooshing her unamused face,  “do, is argue. I am  _ anything but _ soppy.”

 

“Last night you got drunk and said she was more beautiful than your leather jacket,” Peter pointed out, earning him a collective chuckle from the rest of the compartment. 

 

Marlene’s eyes sparkled as Sirius began to protest Peter’s words. “I said no such-,” but his words were drowned out by Marlene raising both arms in the air and shouting a very resounding “YES!” 

 

**Lily.**

 

“See you later, Lils!” 

 

“Yeah, bye Peter,” Lily answered, somewhat distractedly as they walked down the platform, ready to walk through the magical barrier that was all that separated the students from the summer holidays. 

 

James was walking on the other side of Peter, and it was, of course, solely because she had been conversing with the latter, that she found herself unable to look away from the former. 

 

She wouldn’t possibly miss James Potter. 

 

No, definitely not. 

 

The thought was absurd. 

 

Wasn’t it?


	6. 5|1977

**James**

 

“What in the  _ what?” _

“Everything alright, love?”

“Yeah...I-I’m Head Boy.”

“Oh, my Goodness!”

“Tell me about it.”

“That’s wonderful, James, we’re so proud!”

“Thanks, mum.”

**Emmie**

_ School starts again next week AND I CAN’T WAIT! I didn’t know whether to believe he would, but Peter wrote to me every week whilst we were in France!  _

_ I feel a bit bad now for doubting whether he would. _

_ My birthday was lovely, grandma and grandpa actually left England to come join us at the villa! _

_ Peter’s last letter said that I’d get my present from him once we’re back at school...did I mention I can’t wait?!  _

**Peter**

The world began to feel smaller as the holidays came to an end. There was no use denying it, or so his father said, there was a war coming. 

It wasn’t a particularly nice thought, and so he tried his best to think not of it, but the reality that more than likely awaited them after Hogwarts kept creeping, softly and slowly into his subconscious. 

He hoped they would all stay safe. 

He  _ needed  _ them all to stay safe. 

He needed  _ her  _ to stay safe. 

**Lily**

_ Dear Mary,  _

_ No, I DO NOT miss James. _

_ Cornwall is lovely. _

_ I miss you (not James). _

_ Love, Lily _

_ Ps I DO NOT MISS JAMES _

_ - _

_ Dear Alice _

_ If you and Mary are conspiring against me I won’t be impressed. _

_ No, I do not miss James.  _

_ I miss you (not James). _

_   
_ _   
_ __ Love, Lily

**James**

“I miss Evans.”

“Yeah Prongs, we know.”

**Remus**

“I hate to appear bitter, but  _ why on Earth  _ are  _ you  _ Head Boy?”

“Yeah Moony, that wasn’t bitter at all.” Sirius chortled. 

Remus’s brow furrowed. “I’m not bloody bitter.”

Peter snorted. “We believe you,”

“Thousands wouldn’t,” Sirius finished as he and Peter shared an identical expression of raised eyebrows.

“Shut up!” 

**Dorcas**

She sang as she packed her trunk, and danced as she dried her hair. 

The only garments she wore were her knickers and his shirt as she reminded herself, for the thousandth time, that she’d see him in a week. 

She’d spent the summer reading, star gazing and missing him, and not necessarily in that order and whilst her heart was still as full, her arms were distinctly empty.

_ I miss you, baby,  _ she’d write before spraying the parchment with what he said was his favourite smell. 

The perfume wasn’t  _ her  _ favourite smell, though. 

No, hers was simpler. 

It was  _ him.  _

**Peter**

Gazing at himself in the mirror of the Potters’ bathroom, he slowed his breathing as best he could. 

Which was tricky, considering he seemed to be on the verge of a panic attack. 

Not even a justifiable panic attack. The impending war that his father hadn’t shut up about?  _ That  _ was a justifiable reason for panicking. 

Sleeping with your gorgeous, everything-you-could-ask-for girlfriend? Not so much. 

Peter sighed, relieved that his breaths were coming easier now. 

Being a disappointment. That’s what it came down to, really. 

That’s what worried him the most. 

  
That’s what _always_ worried him the most.


	7. 6|1977

**Marlene**

 

As she stood, nestled in his arms, held by the one she’d wished to be held by all summer, she cursed herself. 

What must she have looked like, running to him like some lovesick puppy, on a train platform, of all places, which simply added to said cliched puppy scenario _that she was definitely not a part of_? 

It was embarrassing,  _ highly  _ embarrassing.

He. Wasn’t. Even. Her. Boyfriend. 

“Hi, beautiful,” he breathed in her ear, “just so you know, I didn’t miss you, either.”

She squashed her face into his chest further as she took in the scent of him. “That’s good, I was worried that you did miss me. We couldn’t have that.”

He smelled of oil and pine trees and leather. She smirked. She loved his smell of leather most of all. 

“Oh, definitely not. I barely thought about you, it’s Doreen, isn’t it?”

**Lily**

She walked down the platform, accompanied by her trunk, her Mary, and her Head Girl badge. 

She wasn’t nervous. 

Her knees seemed to have taken on an odd shake, and her mouth had apparently opted to give up on the production of saliva. 

But she certainly wasn’t nervous. 

“Lils?” she heard Mary say from her left.

“Yeah?”

“I think I know who got Head Boy.”

Lily glanced at Mary, before directing her gaze towards where her friend was looking. “Remus?”

“Nope.”

“Well then, who? Is it not a Gryffindor?”

“Oh, it’s a Gryffindor.”

Lily racked her brains, surely not Sirius, and with Peter’s average grades and only slightly better than Sirius’s attended detentions, he didn’t seem a particularly wise choice.  _ And it can’t possibly be- _

“Look at James’s jumper,” Mary pointed, and Lily felt her breath hitch somewhere around her chest. 

**Dorcas**

As her mouth crashed into his, she felt as though her world had rectified itself. “I missed you, I missed you, I missed you!” she chanted into his neck.

She felt him chuckle. “I missed you, more.”

“That’s not possible,” she countered, and Dorcas squealed as she felt a pair of strong hands reach below her bottom and pick her up. Taking his lead, she wrapped her legs around Remus’s waist and tightened the lock her arms had around his neck. 

“You’re even more beautiful than I remembered,” Remus declared, grinning.

Dorcas felt heat pool in her cheeks at his words. “Are you ready to take on Seventh Year?”

Remus began to walk, Dorcas still wrapped around his frame, using the strength his lycanthropy granted him to move with her effortlessly, towards the train. “Let’s do it!”

**Emmie**

“Looking for someone?” 

She screamed in shock at the voice in her ear, and turned to the laughing form of Peter nearly bent double, clearly incredibly happy with how badly he had managed to scare her. 

“You. Are. So. Mean!” she said each word between playful slaps that she placed on his torso. 

He stopped laughing, but only just, considering she could see the snicker still very present upon his lips and feigned a look of guilt whilst holding his arms open to her. 

She allowed herself to show the smallest trace of a smile before she threw herself against him. 

“Hmmm,” he hummed into the top of her white-blonde locks. 

She pulled her head backwards, keeping her body firmly tight against his and brought her face upwards so that her lips could meet his. 

  
_Fireworks_ , she mused, _that’s what kissing Peter feels like._


	8. 7|1977

 

**Peter**

 

Her hair was soft as it flowed through his hands, yet her skin was softer still against his lips. 

 

“Peter,” Emmie hissed in a short, sharp intake of breath as his teeth nipped the side of her neck. 

 

He elicited a soft hum against the spot where her neck met her shoulder. Her shirt, along with his, had been long since discarded on the floor by his bed. 

 

He drew back, leaning on an elbow by her head, and trailed his fingertips down the side of her face and neck and slowly hooked his finger over the elasticated fabric of her bra strap, pulling it downwards, over her arm. 

 

Dropping his face to hers, he kissed her once. “You sure?”

 

She smiled  _ that  _ smile, the one she kept just for him. “Of course.”

 

“Okay,” he kissed her again, this time with an increased urgency, grateful when she decided to take over the bra removal herself. 

 

_ Bras,  _ Peter had quickly deduced,  _ are a completely unnecessary menace.  _

 

“Gods,” he whispered as she lay back down, her bare breasts in his full view for the first time, “you’re beautiful.”

 

She giggled at his words. 

 

“What?” 

 

“You aren’t even looking at my face.”

 

“Nope,” Peter replied happily as he sat upright, enabling him to cup a breast in each hand and began to squeeze and prod every inch of them he could, “I don’t think I’ll ever need to look at your face again, these are fantastic!” he added, enthusiastically. 

 

She snorted with laughter, before lifting her hands to rest on either side of Peter’s face, forcing his gaze upwards, to meet her own. “Kiss me.”

 

Peter glanced downwards fleetingly, twisting his face mischievously. “Can’t I kiss them?”

 

**Emmie**

 

It had hurt, there was no denying that, but yet, it was an okay pain. 

 

They lay, panting slightly, naked and resting in each other’s arms. 

 

It had been clumsy, and at points a bit of an awkward affair, not to mention somewhat messy, but yet, to Emmie, it had been perfect. 

 

“You look really pretty with sex hair,” Peter mumbled, lazily.

 

“Thanks,” she replies, tousling his own dark hair between her fingers, “so do you.”

 

He grinned, letting out a small laugh at her words as he tightened the hold his arms had of her frame. “Do you want your birthday present?”

 

“Oh, let me think...yes!” she gasped, suddenly energised. He smiled a nervous smile as he handed over a small, wrapped box.

 

It was beautiful, yet slightly confusing. A tiny but incredibly intricate silver rat hung on a delicate chain. 

 

Peter was watching her, “I need to show you something, that’ll make,” he gestured towards the necklace, “this make sense. But it’s a huge,  _ huge  _ secret, that you cannot tell  _ anyone.” _

 

She clutched the necklace tight and raised her eyebrows in surprise at the seriousness of his tone. “Of course.”

 

Peter nodded. “Okay, you might want to sit back against the wall.”

 

“Wha-  _ why?” _

 

Peter planted a quick kiss upon her mouth before breathing a quiet “I love you,” and vanished. 

 

Only he hadn’t vanished...he had transformed. 


	9. 8|1978

 

**Remus**

 

“It’s great, you know, this  _ having a girlfriend malarky.” _

 

“Yeah Prongs mate, we know,” Sirius replied with a snort. 

 

“I’m not so sure,” Remus said, his voice a mutter. 

 

The other three boys frowned. “Everything alright, Moony?” Peter asked, and Remus was sure that Peter hadn’t missed the brief glance that he’d shared with Sirius. 

 

Remus shrugged. “Dorcas is great, she’s great, but she’s…” he trailed off.

 

“Overbearing?” Sirius offered, his voice and eyes both softening. 

 

Remus nodded once and looked down. Dorcas  _ was  _ overbearing, but that wasn’t the reason he was questioning his relationship. 

 

He knew that. 

 

Sirius knew that. 

 

He wondered how long it would take James and Peter to know that, too. 

**Dorcas**

 

_ Something is wrong and he won’t tell me what.  _

 

**Sirius**

 

_ P,  _

 

_ I’m literally shaking at the thought of telling her. _

 

_ M _

 

**Remus**

 

_ M, _

 

_ Just like we spoke about, just like ripping a plaster off. _

 

_ P _

 

**Marlene**

 

She swallowed, her throat dry. “Who is she?”

 

“I-there isn’t any  _ she.” _

 

“Bollocks, I don’t believe you,” she seethed. 

 

“Marlene, I  _ promise  _ you. There isn’t any  _ she.” _

 

**Peter**

 

“I don’t know, it’s just  _ weird _ , like they have this whole secret thing going on, that me and James just aren’t in on.”

 

Emmie offered a sympathetic half-smile. “Maybe they’re lovers,” she offered, laughing. 

 

Peter snorted, ready to laugh her words off when a realisation that he knew should have occurred to him sooner descended into his mind. “Ems, what if they  _ are _ ?”

 

“I was joking, babe,” Emmie replied, “I mean, we’d know if they were together  _ together,  _ and anyway, aren’t they both straight?”   
  


“Sirius definitely isn’t, he’s admitted himself that he fancies boys and girls, Remus on the other hand, yeah, I thought he was straight,” Peter answered, puzzled, “but they  _ both  _ just broke up with their girlfriends, literally on the same day, and whenever we can’t find one of them, they’re always together...and then there was the other morning,” Peter smacked his forehead with his own palm, feeling as though the truth had hit him like a tonne of bricks.

 

“What happened the other morning?”

 

Peter looked at her, unspeaking for a second, blinking. “I’m not certain, but I  _ think  _ they showered together.”

 

“It’s looking quite conclusive,” Emmie replied, her eyebrows raised.

 

“It really is!”

 

**Dorcas**

 

_ This is the worst feeling in the entire world.  _

 

**James**

 

His prefect duties were done. The Quidditch practise schedules were complete and even his homework pile was significantly smaller than it could have been. 

 

He wasn’t entirely sure what had happened to him, but, as his arms wove themselves around Lily’s midriff, he decided he simply did not care. 

 

“You smell nice,” he whispered into her ear, before planting a kiss upon her lobe. 

 

She hummed a “Thank you” in response as she dragged her fingertips up and down the arms that encased her. 

 

“Has Remus spoken to you lately, by the way?” James asked.

 

“About what?”

 

“Well, he’s been acting funny, since just before he finished with Dorcas.”

 

Lily swivelled around so that she was facing her boyfriend, frowning. “Well...yes, but we  _ know  _ why that is.”

 

“We do?”

 

“Please tell me you are joking?”

 

James’s look was one of definite confusion. “ _ Should _ I be joking?”

 

“Okay, you do know  _ why  _ he broke up with Dor, yes?”

 

“She was overbearing,” James replied, remembering the conversation between the four friends that had taken place a month prior.

 

Lily blinked. “Okay, allow me to rephrase, you do know the  _ real reason  _ that he broke up with her, yes?”

 

“I haven’t got a clue what you’re going on about.”

 

“I honestly don’t know whether to laugh, or check you into St Mungo’s! Two of your  _ best friends  _ have been in a relationship for a good few weeks now, and you have no idea.”

 

James only frowned harder. “Who?”

 

“Remus,” Lily replied, her eyes wide and her tone slow, “and Sirius.”

 

“WHAT?”

 

“James, they were literally holding hands  _ this morning _ .”

 

“Were they?”

 

“James, they sleep in the same bed.”

 

“So?”

 

“You’ve  _ seen  _ them kiss.”   
  


“I have?”

  
“ _ How  _ can you possibly be this clueless?”


	10. 9|1978

**Peter**

 

_ Ems,  _

 

_ McGonagall told me about your dad. I don’t know what to say. I love you so much. When you come back to school I’m here, whatever you want Ems, anything.  _

 

_ I love you. Peter. _

  
  



	11. 10|1978

**Dorcas**

 

_ Every time I see him I pretend to be happy. In fact, every time I see anyone I pretend to be happy.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I am a lie.  _ _   
_ _   
_ __ It’s been months now and I still feel broken. I miss him. 

 

_ Every time I see them together it feels like a fresh wound in my chest, all over again. _

 

_ He looks so happy, I think that’s what makes it harder. And I want him to be happy, of course, I do. He deserves happy.  _ _   
_ _   
_ __ I just thought he had already found that. 

 

_ I thought his happy was my happy.  _

 

**Marlene**

 

She wanted to hate him, and hell, for a while she did. 

 

But when he looked  _ so.fucking.happy _ with Remus, her rage would simply dissipate. 

 

How could she deny him that? 

 

People were  _ dying,  _ for Merlin’s sake. Poor Emmie had been hauled out of class just last week to be told her father had been murdered. 

 

She wanted to hate him.  

 

But she understood that there were much,  _ much  _ worse things happening in the world than she and Sirius’s break up. 

 

It was starting to scare her.

 

**Emmie**

 

She sobbed, harder, into his chest. 

 

It felt like the thousandth time she had burdened him with her grief, yet the pain felt as fresh as the first. 

 

He said it didn’t matter, that he was there, no matter how long it took. 

 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” she cried against him.

 

“Well, that doesn’t matter, because you’ll never have to find out.”

 

“I love you, Peter.”

 

“I love you, too, Emmie.”

 

**Lily**

 

“I want to help her,” Lily whispered as she watched Peter wrap his arms around his crying girlfriend, a sight they’d all seen now numerous times. 

 

“I know,” James replied, his expression forlorn, “I do, too.”

 

“There really is a war starting, isn’t there?”

 

James placed his arm around her shoulders and gave her a quick squeeze. “I think so.”

 

Lily shook her head as tears began to pool in her startling, green eyes, tears of frustration at the sheer injustice her friend was going through. “It isn’t fair James, she  _ adored  _ her father, she talked about him all the time.”

 

“You’re right,” James answered her, “it isn’t fair.”

 

**Remus**

 

“You okay? You’re quiet tonight.”

 

Remus frowned. “You always say I’m quiet.”

 

“Well, that’s true, but tonight you’re  _ even more  _ quiet than usual.”

 

“Just thinking,” Remus replied, he swallowed and lay his head over Sirius’s bare chest. 

 

“Oh?”

 

“About what will happen after this year.”

 

“I suppose,” Sirius paused and ran his fingers through the floppy, brown hair that was sprawled across his chest, “we’ll fight.”

 

“That’s what I was thinking, too,” Remus began, pulling Sirius’s hand into his own as he continued in a whisper, “and it’s what I’m most afraid of.”

 

He heard Sirius swallow as he tightened his grip of Remus’s hand with his own. “Yeah,” he said softly, “me too.”

 

Remus raised his head to look directly into his boyfriend’s eyes. “Y-you, are scared...of the war?”

 

Sirius breathed a sigh through his nose. “Of course I am. Yeah, I want to come across like I’m not afraid of shit, but you’d have to be a fucking idiot not to be.”

 

“I suppose that’s true,” Remus replied, his jaw tight. 

 

Sirius raised his hand to stroke the back of Remus’, his mind which was buzzing and full of war and fear and anger, held only one coherent thought in that moment. “Kiss me.”


	12. 11|1978

 

**Peter. Sirius. Remus. James.**

 

“Do you guys realise that this is  _ the  _ last night we will spend in this castle?”

 

Remus nodded, Sirius cheered and Peter smiled. 

 

“I feel we’ve left a decent enough stain on the place,” Sirius stated, “I mean, the map alone.”

 

“I swear to Merlin,” Peter began, “someone  _ amazing  _ better be the one to nick that back off Filch.”

 

Sirius passed around a tumbler of firewhisky to each of the four before raising his own in the air. The other three followed suit. “A toast!” Sirius cried, “to the next generation of Marauders, whenever you come here, we hope you do so with menace in your heart and mischief in your bones, and may you have the volition to stick a firework up Mrs Norris’ bum.”

 

The four friends laughed and cheered, and then drank well into the night before passing out together on James’s bed.

 

“I’ll miss this place,” Remus said the next morning, the day the train departed Hogsmeade. 

 

“Me too,” Peter said, patting Remus’s shoulder. 

 

“Ready boys?” James asked as he closed his trunk for the final time.

 

**Emmie**

 

“Are you sure it’ll be okay? I don’t want to be a burden, or impose or…” she trailed off, feeling foolish at her rambling.

 

She was walking down the platform, arm firmly planted around Peter’s back, his own arm circling her shoulders. He laughed once and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ve told you, they’ve said it’s fine, baby.”

 

“Okay. Gods, I’m so nervous!”

 

She felt his hand gently squeeze her shoulder. “You’ll be fine, they’ll love you, just as much as I do.”

 

Emmie shot him a brave smile as they prepared to walked through the magical barrier. “I hope so!”

 

Peter’s parents were waiting with all the others, and Emmie braced herself as they walked towards the awaiting couple, his arm refusing to leave her shoulders. 

 

“Mum, dad, this is Emmie, err, Emmeline, my girlfriend.”

 

**Sirius**

 

“There are your parents,” Remus hissed in his ear and nodded off to their right. 

 

“Oh, bloody hell, you're right,” Sirius replied, his grey eyes frowning as they met those of his mother’s, “thank fuck I’m heading to Prongsie’s, and not to that old bat’s!”

 

“She’s looking at me like I’m a blast ended skrewt that’s offering to mate with her,” Remus observed with a snort. 

 

“Oh, well then, this’ll really wind her up,” Sirius said, and in one swift movement, the eldest Black son and heir had spun around, grabbed his boyfriend’s face in his hands and kissed him, greedily, on the platform of King’s Cross, much to the horror of one Walburga Black. 

 

Remus was panting as they broke apart. “Do you always have to make such a scene?” he hissed.

 

“Yes!”

 

His eyes widened as a deep, familiar voice echoed from somewhere behind him. “Hello, Remus.”

 

_ Oh, shit! _

 

Remus turned, already feeling his cheeks redden and attempted to ignore the fact that Sirius wasn’t trying nearly hard enough to hide his desire to burst out laughing. “Err, hi, dad.”


	13. 12|1978

 

**Remus**

 

_ P, _

 

_ So, three things. 1 - it turns out that my dad reads my post. 2 - if you ever send a gay Muggle porn magazine to my house again there’s a good chance I will be hung. 3 - do NOT follow through with the flamingo plan. _ _   
_ _   
_ __ (4 - seriously, DO NOT order live flamingos for the BBQ!) 

_ I’ll see you soon. _

 

_ M. _

 

**Peter**

 

_ Padfoot & Prongs _

_ Guys, why is Moony flooing to my house and freaking out about flamingos? Whatever you’re planning, I’m definitely in, but I’m pretending not to be, for the sake of the Moon. _

_ Wormtail _

 

**Remus**

 

_ Dorcas, _

_ I need to apologise profusely, and I sincerely hope you can, in time, accept it.  _

_ I should have spoken to you before school finished. I meant to, but I am a coward Dor, which is one of the many, many reasons I am not, and never was, good enough for you.  _

_ You are the sun, and you deserve someone who will treat you as such.  _

_ Everyone is heading to James’s house next Saturday for a garden party and BBQ, it’ll be fun, and it’d be great to see you there.  _

_ Always,  _

_ Your friend,  _

_ Remus.  _

 

**Sirius**

 

_ M, _

_ It’s a great offer! You get twenty flamingos for the price of fifteen! We met this lovely African chap in Knockturn, guy knows his ‘mingos! _

_ You worry too much. _

_ P. _

 

**Remus**

 

_ Prongs, _

_ Do not let Pads order those flamingos!  _

_ Moony _

 

**Lily**

 

_ Dear Remus _

_ Oh, I haven’t got a clue, he’s being even more shifty than usual, and that would explain it. They’re a pair of idiots, they really are! I know James’s house has massive grounds, but twenty flamingos? Really? _

_ See you Saturday! _ _   
_ _ Love, Lily _

 

**Dorcas**

 

_ Remus, _

_ Thank you for your letter! It was a truly lovely surprise. _ _   
_ _ I do feel, now, that I forgive you, You and Sirius are obviously very happy together, and, it’s very, very early days and I really don’t want to jinx anything, but I might have met someone (I don’t know if it’s weird that I told you that, but I hope it isn’t!), he’s a Muggle though, so I cannot bring him on Saturday.  _

_ I will see you there and we can (hopefully!) have a proper catch up, I’d like that.  _

_ Dorcas x _

 

**James**

 

_ Lils,  _

_ I’ve missed you so much! Cannot wait to see you on Saturday - wait til you see what we have planned! _

_ Love you, James _

 

**Lily**

 

_ Remus already told me about the flamingos - and I told him what I’m going to tell you, that you’re both idiots.  _

_ I love you too,  _ _   
_ _ Forever, your Lils x  _

 

**Sirius**

 

“Prongs?”

 

“Yeah?”   
  


“Twenty didn’t seem very many, in my head.”

 

James shot Sirius a startled expression before his eyes went back to darting to the numerous pink birds that were currently occupying his parent’s front garden. “No, me neither.”

 

“We can’t admit that Moony.”

 

“Oh, Gods no, definitely not!”

 

**Peter**

 

“What should I wear?”

 

“Huh?” Peter looked up from the magazine he was flicking through.

 

“To the flamingo party?”

 

Peter snorted and rose from his chair, he crossed his bedroom and wrapped Emmie up in his arms, breathing in the scent of her perfume he kissed the top of her head. “You look beautiful in whatever you wear.”

 

She leant her face upwards to meet his. “That’s lovely, but unhelpful.”

 

The tips of his fingers began to trace over her hips as he leant back downwards and kissed her again, this time not stopping. 

 

“Do you know what I prefer you to wear?” he murmured against her mouth.

 

Her response was a noncommittal moan as his hands roamed downwards, eventually resting against the back pockets of her jeans. 

 

He gave her bottom a long squeeze and dipped his kisses to the side of her neck. “I like it most when you’re wearing nothing.” 

 

She smirked, and grabbed fistfulls of his t shirt as she began to lead him backwards, towards his bed. “Well, that’s fine and well, but I can’t exactly go to the flamingo party naked.”

 

“True,” he remarked as his fingers hooked over the top of her jeans, “but we can have our own flamingo party right now.”


	14. 13|1978

**Lily**

“We needed this,” she gestured vaguely around the mess that was James’s garden. The aftermath of the newly dubbed  _ Legendary Flamingo Party of ‘78  _ was still very much present, with remnants of food, litter, clothing and miscellaneous items strewn across the lawn and patio. 

The pieces of food at least, were providing the flamingos with some sustenance, although Lily very much doubted that sausage rolls were a staple part of the birds’ diets. 

“Yeah, we did,” James agreed, before, in one swift movement, reached down and placed both hands firmly on Lily's thighs, enabling him to pick the redhead up, and casually throw her over his shoulder. Once in place, a half screaming, half laughing Lily was taken, in something of a fireman's lift, back inside, down two corridors and eventually thrown atop James’s still messy duvet. 

“Umm, excuse-” 

The rest of her complaint was stolen from her mouth by the way James, who had jumped on top of her the second he'd let go of his writhing girlfriend, kissed her, hungrily. 

She didn't speak further, instead opting to moan against his mouth. 

James sat up on his knees and shot Lily a dazzling smile, at which she giggled, rather uncharacteristically at, and quickly pulled his t shirt over his head. 

Sitting up, still nestled between James’s knees, Lily reached downwards and lifted her own top over her head. 

James let out a throaty growl at the sight of his now topless girlfriend, and cupped her head in his hands, bringing her face to his and locking them together in a searing kiss. 

“Gods,” his breathing was already laboured, “I love you, Lily Evans.” 

Lily kissed him in response, and began to pant slightly as his kisses moved down to her neck. “I love you, too.” 

**Sirius**

He woke up to a pair of achingly familiar green eyes. 

_ Home,  _ Sirius thought, lazily,  _ Remus’s eyes are home.  _

“Hi,” Sirius croaked, his mouth devoid of all moisture thanks to the already present hangover that was already creeping over his entire body. 

The sides of Remus’s mouth twitched into the hint of a smile. “Hi,” he said, his voice equally as croaky.

“So last night was awesome,” Sirius said as he wrinkled his nose, very much  _ not  _ enjoying the way his head had began to pound.

“It really was,” Remus agreed, and as Sirius reached forward on the bedding, he knew that Remus was just as aware as he that neither were referring to the actual party. 

“Sirius?”

Sirius’s eyes had closed again. “Hmm?”

“Di-did you mean what you said last night.”

He tentatively opened one eye a fraction, enough to see Remus’s face again, and shot his boyfriend a quick smile. “I’ve loved you for fucking ages.”

Remus let out a sigh he’d obviously been holding since he’d asked the question. “I love you, too.”

**Emmie**

“Morning,” she heard Peter’s voice whisper in her ear. They had occupied yet another of the bedrooms within Potter Manor.

“Groaning slightly, she rolled over, opening her eyes as best she could, and faced Peter. “Morning.”

Peter was lying on his side, one arm folded back and acting as an extra pillow, the other stretched out under the duvet over Emmie’s waist and stomach, his fingertips trailing small, aimless patterns over her bare flesh. 

“That feels nice,” she informed him, her mouth stretching into a smile as she closes her eyes once more, enjoying the sensations created by his fingers on her skin. 

“ _ You  _ feel nice,” he replied, pulling his other arm out from beneath his head, and pushing it below Emmie’s neck, combined with the hand on her stomach he was able to pull her close into him, their naked bodies now pressed tightly together, her back against his stomach. 

“Well,” she began with a snort as she wiggled her bottom slightly, “you  _ are  _ happy to see me.”

He answered in a half kiss, half bite on the side of her neck. “You know it, baby.”


	15. 14|1978

 

**Peter**

 

“You all packed?”

 

Emmie’s mouth twisted as she clearly mentally went through her numerous lists of what to take back to school for her Seventh Year. “I  _ think  _ so.”

 

Peter nodded. “This summer went far too fast.”

 

She turned to him and smiled. “This summer was the best time of my whole life.”

 

Returning her smile, Peter said, softly, “Mine, too.”

 

He didn’t miss the falter in her expression. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

 

“Please, baby, be careful,” she whispered. 

 

There was no use in lying to her, her own father had been murdered by Voldemort’s growing following. She wasn’t blind to the dangers that faced them out of Hogwarts, and neither was he.    
  
He quickly crossed the gap between them and took both of her hands in hers, stroking the pads of his thumbs back and forth over the backs of her hands. Bringing his face downwards, he touched his forehead to hers and breathed deeply. 

 

“I will,” he whispered, “I will.”

 

**Remus**

 

He wrinkled his nose and pulled the white vest top over his head. _Unpacking,_ Remus had quickly decided, _along with its prequel job,_ _is the worst activity in the whole world._

 

“Alright Moony?” James called, entering the bedroom, hot mug in hand. He turned around to see James standing casually, one ankle crossed behind the other, as he leant on Remus’s doorframe.

 

Remus replied in an noncommittal grunt as he hauled out yet another armful of books form the half empty box at his feet. “How the hell have I amassed so many?” he grumbled.   
  


James shrugged, “You could, you know, get rid of some of them.”

 

“You stop that outrageous talk right now, Potter!” Remus snapped, earning him a chuckle from James. “How is unpacking going at your new place?”

 

“Well, I did a great job and unpacked three whole rooms, and then Lils came home and informed me that I’d done it all entirely wrong, and shooed me out of my own house,” he wrinkled his nose at the anecdote, “so now I’m here.”

 

Remus snorted. “Sounds about right.”

  
“When is Wormtail arriving?” James asked, sipping his tea.

 

Remus swept his gaze towards a small, Muggle alarm clock sitting on his otherwise empty desk. “Soon, he’s supposed to be coming right after he drops Emmie at Kings Cross. He’s going to start moving in today as well, he said.” 

 

“And Pads?”

 

Remus raised an eyebrow and turned back to face James. “It’s not midday yet, I’ll give you three guesses as to his location.”

 

“I see,” James nodded. “Feels weird, doesn’t it? To not be going back.”

 

“Yeah,” Remus ran one hand through his wavy, brown hair, “yeah, it does.”


	16. 15|1978

**Marlene**

 

The table was full, a lot of people she knew were present, and also a lot she didn’t. 

 

Professor Dumbledore called it The Order of the Phoenix. 

 

As the last of the members took their seats, Marlene swallowed. Despite the fact that Sirius, James, Remus, Peter, Lily, Dorcas, Mary, Alice, Frank and a few others that she had just graduated with were present alongside her, Marlene felt young. 

 

Young and vastly inexperienced. 

Young, vastly inexperienced and scared. 

 

**Lily**

 

She squeezed James’s hand tight for the entire duration of their first meeting. 

 

“This feels...so real,” she whispered, praying her eyes wouldn’t betray her and give away her fear. 

 

“I know,” James mumbled back. He wouldn’t sugar-coat it, she knew that and respected it. She  _ needed  _ him not to. 

 

But a small part of her wanted him to tell her that wasn’t real, and that they weren’t placing targets on their backs and that last week, when they’d only just managed to escape after being propositioned by some they knew were Death Eaters, they hadn’t almost died. 

 

Her heart ached for the lie she couldn’t afford to hear. 

 

**Emmie**

 

_ Hogwarts is a lonely place without you in it.  _

 

**Remus**

 

“I’ve got to, Pads,” he said, softly.

 

Sirius breathed deeply through his nose, he closed his eyes for a moment before snapping them open once more and promptly punching a nearby wall. 

 

Remus was aghast. “What the hell did you do that for?!”

 

“I. Don’t. Want. You. To. Do. It,” Sirius snarled, “it’s a death sentence.”

 

“Not if I can convince them I’m one of them,” Remus pointed out. 

 

Sirius’s grey eyes met Remus’s green. “Fuck, Moony. You  _ have _ to.”

 

Remus held Sirius’s gaze for as long as he had it in him, for as long as he was able to control the tears that ultimately won out. 

 

**Peter**

 

He was partnered with Mary, mostly, which wasn’t too bad, all things considered. 

 

“How’s Em?” she’d ask and Peter would tell Mary all about he and Emmie’s epic summer together and then about living with Sirius and Remus, he’d tell her all about the way he had to write to Emmie almost every day just to prove he was still alive. He’d share with her how worried his girlfriend was and how it didn’t matter how much he missed her, or she missed him, because ultimately she was safe in Hogwarts. 

 

He’d tell her about his worst fears and how joining the Order was, of course, the right thing to do but how it brought everything he was scared of the most to the surface. 

 

And she’d confide to him all about her own despair, and hopes, and dreams that were never dreams, only nightmares. 

 

They’d share into the night and throughout every day. 

 

They’d protect each other through raids and attacks and near misses. 

 

Until they didn’t. 

 

Until  _ he  _ didn't. 

 

Until the near miss wasn’t near, at all, and wasn’t a miss.

 

Until she passed away in his arms as he sobbed like a child. 


	17. 16|1978

**James**

 

“I’m worried about Peter,” James said with a sigh. 

 

Lily offered a supportive half smile. “Was he any better last night?”   
  


“I think, if anything, he was worse,” James replied and rose from his seat. He walked around the back of Lily’s seat and placed his palms upon her shoulders. “Are you okay?”   
  


Lily tipped her head backwards, where it landed against James’s stomach. “I lived with Mary for seven years James,” she said, tears beginning to form in her eyes, “I miss her.”

 

**Emmie**

 

She awoke with a scream that she immediately stifled. The darkness informed her that it was still definitely night time, whilst the rat perched upon her pillow informed her that it was going to be an interesting night.  

 

She narrowed her eyes as she quickly cast a silencing charm around the drapes of her four poster. “What are you doing?” she hissed as the rat transformed itself, into the shape of her boyfriend. 

 

“I had to see you,” he replied, taking her hands in his. 

 

She drew in a breath as she took in the sight of him. “Y-you don’t look good, baby.”   
  


He shook his head in agreement with her words. “I don’t feel good. Mary, I-I can’t stop seeing her, Em. She died  _ in my arms  _ and it’s all I can see, anytime I close my eyes.”

 

“Oh, baby it’s okay,” Emmie said with a sniff as she leant forward and threw her arms around Peter’s frame, which was actually trembling, she realised. 

 

“I can’t  _ bear  _ nighttime right now.”

 

“Then tonight you’ll stay here, with me,” she informed him. 

 

Moving back downwards, she pulled him with her so that they could both by lying down. Emmie moved his arms for him, placing them around her as she gently placed her head on his chest.

 

They had only been lying for around thirty seconds before she felt his chest begin to heave and she held him as best she could through his tears.

 

“You don’t know how much this means,” he whispered through ragged breaths.

 

“Do you remember last year, when you held me through every tear I cried for my dad?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I do know how much it means.”

 

**Remus**

 

_ P, _

_ I want to tell you that I’m fine and that living surrounded with other werewolves is just dandy, but I can’t.  _ _   
_ _ Living a lie to these creatures (because that’s what most of them are) is one thing. Lying to you is another, and something that I just can’t bring myself to do.  _

_ It isn’t even for you, my truth. Of course my heart and my love and the aching hole in my chest whenever I think of you, and us, is for you. But this truth is for me. Because I need to remember that I am not this, I am not what they think I am and I am still mostly good.  _

_ I think.  _

_ Merlin, Pads I HOPE I'm still good.  _ _   
_ _ M _


	18. 17|1979

**Dorcas**

 

_ Dear Remus,  _

_ I’m going to send this to Sirius, in the hope that it will eventually get back to you. I know you are away on missions a lot and it would be careless of me to do anything that may risk your exposure.  _ _   
_ _ I needed to write this, to let you know that I lied in the letter I sent you before the flamingo party. I told you I was over you, but I know now I was just pretending to be.  _ _   
_ __ It’s taken me a long time, longer than most, I know, to get to this, which is actually a little embarrassing. But I think I can confidently say that I am now over you, Remus Lupin. 

_ And with that, comes this.  _

_ My need to thank you.  _

_ Thank you for the time we shared and the memories we made. I  _ **_loved_ ** _ you, Remus, and some people never experience that. And therefore I am lucky. I am lucky that I got to love you.  _

_ I am going to send this tomorrow after my guard duty and hopefully it will reach you soon, and although I’m starting to doubt it despite my usual positivity, I hope that we can all have a good 1979 when it comes.  _

_ Love, your friend _

_ Dorcas _

**Sirius**

“You alright, Pads?”

Sirius shook his head. “Fuck, Prongs, I hope he’s okay.”

He felt Peter pat his forearm. “He will be, he’s strong.”

Sirius nodded, turning his head to face Peter, “Yeah, you’re right. He is strong.”

Peter offered a small smile of reassurance. 

“How are you doing, mate?” Sirius asked the animagus. 

Peter snorted. “Shit. I’m doing shit.”

Sirius raised the bottle of firewhisky that he was currently drinking from. “Me too, Wormy, me too.”

James sunk into a nearby armchair, his expression furlorn.  “Happy New Year, lads!” 

**Remus**

He’d just experienced the longest and loneliest Christmas of his life. But that didn’t matter, all that mattered was that he was currently standing in the entrance of Headquarters, home after three long months and waiting to finally see Sirius and the others. 

“Mr. Lupin?” a familiar voice rang out behind him. 

Turning, Remus looked into the sparkling blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore. “Oh, hello Professor.”

“Good evening, Remus,” Dumbledore spoke with a quiet, strained air that Remus found unusual. “Your reports on the werewolf activities and locations will prove invaluable.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

Dumbledore studied him for a second before speaking once more. “Am I right, Remus, in thinking that you knew Miss Meadowes well?”

Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Dorcas? Yes, I...I did know her well.”

“I am afraid that Miss Meadowes was killed on duty last week.”

“Wha-,” Remus instantly felt a sense of deflation.  _ Not Dorcas, not lovely, kind Dorcas.  _

“I am terribly sorry, Remus.”

“Thank you, Professor.”

Remus watched, still in disbelief, as Dumbledore reached into an inside pocket of his midnight blue robes, and pulled forth an envelope. “The Order found this, in Miss Meadowes’s home, it seems to be addressed to you.”

Remus took the envelope, swallowing hard. “Thank you.”

 

“I am sorry again, Remus,” Dumbledore repeated, before patting Remus swiftly on the shoulder. Remus’s eyes flickered downwards as his old Headmaster turned and walked back down the corridor, leaving a heavy cloud of sadness behind. 


End file.
